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Monday, July 2, 2007

U. of O. labor unit discovers new element

Three decades of LERC subsidy begins to pay dividends
Taxpayer-critics decry give-away to Organized Labor Lab as "adding insult to injury"

Last week, the 100% tax-funded Labor Education and Research Center at the University of Oregon announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named Governmentunium (Gu). The new element has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentunium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Gu can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take over four days to complete.

Governmentunium has a normal half-life of 2 years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Gu's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some LERC experts to believe that Governmentunium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentunium becomes Administratunium ... an element that radiates just as much energy as Gu since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

capitalpress.com, July 2

1 comment:

Richard said...

An important property of Governmentunium (Gu) is ability to absorb neutrons from other elements. This property is call taxability. One property of Governmentunium (Gu) is it ability to form isotopes that can be bonded to other elements in a way that seems to be contradiction for example the issue of leakage latrinos across the barrier of AM semiconductor junction. Some who are attempting to limit the atomic weight of Governmentunium (Gu) unwittingly introduced Governmentunium (Gu) in order stem the flow of latrinos. Unfortunately introducing a contradiction that results in an increase of the mass of Governmentunium (Gu) and strengthening taxability.

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